By the age of 12, most girls have their life planned out. It usually goes something like this: graduate high school, go to college, find a good job, meet a handsome/rich man, get married in an extravagant ceremony, have beautiful babies and live happily ever after. All of this usually takes place before 30.
It is what I like to call the Disney princess syndrome!! Growing up and being subliminally taught (through cartons and Disney films) that while you may go through hardships and kiss a few frogs, eventually your knight in shining armor will rescue you and take you into happy ever after. So you wait and hope and wait some more.
But what happens when you find yourself 30+, single, heartbroken and hardened after years of relationships that went nowhere? You look down at the ring finger on your left hand and it's empty, no real prospects in sight. Or what if you find yourself in a long term relationship with no proposal? Or a man who never wants to get married? When your already over 30, how long do you wait before heartbreakingly moving on? Or do you just give up on the idea of marriage itself?
In the words of Langston Hughes, what happens to a dream deferred? In talking to some unmarried women, I get the "I don't want to get married" statement and it makes me wonder. Are women saying this to save face? To pacify deep hidden desires? Are they telling themselves this so that they don't have to face the real fear of never getting married, never being chosen, never experiencing a happy ever after?
To be honest at 32, I do feel afraid. I have been in a relationship for 3 yrs now. I love him and things are wonderful, but I promised myself that we won't go into 4yrs unmarried. Im 32!! I don't have 10yrs to waste wondering at this point. Either it is or it isn't.
I mean, Just the other day my grandmother called me an old maid!! Yes, an old maid!! She said this after telling one of the city gas workers that asked about me, "my granddaughter is looking for a husband." I asked her , "well what about my boyfriend?" Her reply was "first come, first serve." I had to laugh it off but it hurt. Seems like the pressure to be married is just as external as it is internal!
I could probably write a novel on the struggles of being unmarried and over 30, but I want to hear from you ladies. What are your thoughts, struggles and experiences?
Stay tuned ,